I'm looking for a Java Profiler for use in a very high demand production environment, either commercial or free, that meets all of the following requirements:
Essentially I need something that can sit dormant in production when everything is fine without anyone knowing or caring that it is there, but then be able to connect to it hassle (and performance degradation) free to pinpoint the hard to find problems like hotspots and synchronization issues.
Have you tried YourKit? It has almost all of the features you are looking for.